Just Tell Me
by Ultrawoman
Summary: Part of the 'Just Us' series [un-connected re-writes of Season 6 episodes to give them sweeter, Spuffier content] AU Smashed, One-Shot. When Spike finds out he can hit Buffy he decides to leave before he has the chance to hurt her, but she's not so sure s


A/N : Following in the footsteps of my previous fics Just What I Needed, Just One Moment, and Just Dancing, here is another twist on a Season 6 episode, this time Smashed. I know that ep had plenty of Spike/Buffy magic, but personally I think the whole 'violent sex that brought down the house' thing just ended up spoiling what was starting to develop between the characters. Here's how it might have gone..._  
(Disclaimer : You don't know this already? Joss owns all the BtVS characters!)_

Just Tell Me

"Buffy" she hears his voice behind her and sighs, not wanting to deal with him right now, not even bothering to turn around.

"And so my night is complete" she says more to herself than anyone, but he hears.

"Buffy, will you listen to me" Spike begs of her but she's having none of it "I need to talk to you!"

"Well, I don't need to talk to you, Spike" she declares, finally stopping walking, but still not looking at him, "I don't have anything to say to you and I'm pretty certain you won't be saying anything I wanna hear right now, if ever"

"I'm leaving town" his voice is surprisingly soft in the dark but still loud enough that she hears.

"You're leav..." she starts as she turns back to face him, before remembering it's not supposed to matter "and I'm supposed to care why?" she asks somewhat nastily, eyes not leaving his face. Why do the men in her life always leave? Her Dad, Angel, Riley...she never thought she'd add Spike to the list.

"Not saying you have to care, luv" the vampire shrugs "Just giving you fair warning that you'll be needing to get your jollies elsewhere when I'm gone..." he tells her a fairly suggestive smirk forming on his lips "maybe the boy would be up for a little groping in the dark, he always did seem to have a thing for you"

"You're disgusting" Buffy snaps, remembering why sometimes she really hates him, although there are a lot less hating times these days.

"What? No goodbye kiss?" he calls, giving chase as she storms away. She turns back briefly to answer him, completely in denial by now.

"You're not really leaving, you never leave" she tells him defiantly, hoping against hope that it's true, forcing back the tears that are forming behind her eyes "You're gone for a while but you always come back" she turns away again, desperate not to cry but finding it harder than she ever thought she would.

"Don't be so sure about that, pet" he says more softly to her back, wishing she loved him like he loved her. He wouldn't dream of leaving if he thought she'd ever admit feelings for him, but despite a couple of explosive kisses and such, she still refuses to acknowledge he is anything but a monster.

"Like I care anyway" she scoffs, a total lie and she knows it, "I don't need you" she continues to storm away but he gives chase again and catches her easily.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't need this" he says forcefully grabbing her arm and spinning her around, crushing his lips to hers before she has a chance to react.

For just a second she gives into the wonderful sensations only he can evoke in her before she remembers herself and pulls away, smacking him across the jaw with her fist. Like an instinct, Spike brings back his own arm and hits her back, straight on the chin. Buffy's head snaps to the side and when she rights herself she finds her attacker is still standing, without clutching his head or crying in pain.

"How?" she asks a little warily. Was it possible he'd found a way to get the chip removed?

"I don't know, luv" Spike sighs, already regretting the way he'd hit her like that without thinking "but now do you see why I'm leaving?"

"I don't understand" Buffy shakes her head, one hand absently rubbing her chin as she wonders if he really did hit her like that - did she imagine it?

"You're not the only one" Spike admits "craziest thing is it's just you" he admits and she looks shocked and a little afraid.

"Ran a little test of sorts" he explains and her expression soon shifts from scared little girl right back to the brassed off Slayer he knows and adores.  
"You attacked someone?" she asks, voice like steel. Spike rolls his eyes.

"Well, no" he says, to rhyme with 'duh!' "Chip fired, couldn't do it...to be honest felt a little weird trying" he adds in a mumbled tone, looking down at his boots as he scuffs the muddy ground with the toe.

"Hit me again" Buffy shocks him into looking back up immediately.

"What?" he asks in apparent disbelief "Are you completely off your bird? I don't..."

"Hit me again!" she demands, cutting off his mini-rant "I have to know for sure, if it's really me"

"It is, luv" he tries to tell her, but it does no good as she raves on.

"So prove it. Hit me" she tells him again, he still shakes his head in the negative.

"I can't"

"But you just said..." she is exasperated by all this, he's not making sense.

"The chip would let me" Spike explains it to her "but I won't do it"

"Why not?" Buffy narrows her eyes, waving an arm in an emphatic gesture "You're William the Bloody, the Great Slayer of Slayers, why the hell not?" her voice increases in volume and her eyes look wild. Spike starts to worry now.

"Buffy..." he says unsurely but she doesn't want his words.

"Come on, hit me!" she yells "What's the matter? You think it'd be easier to run away? What if I don't let you? I can stake you now, could be self defence"

"Buffy, would you just..." he tries to calm her but she doesn't want it, not any of it. She brings back her arm and clocks him across the face again.

"Didn't you hear me?!" she bellows "I told you to hit me! Please Spike, just hit me, make me feel it, feel anything, please" tears spring from her eyes as emotion overwhelms her and it pains Spike to see her this way.

"Come on, you silly bint" he says good-naturedly, reaching out to hold her but she knocks his arms away violently.

"No, no!" she pushes him away and he sighs.

"Slayer...Buffy, when are you gonna understand that I don't want to hurt you anymore" he reads the message wrong, assuming she thought he was going to try to harm her when he reached for her.

"Then hit me" she screams, eyes flashing with multi-coloured pain and anguish and she throws herself at him fists flying everywhere "Make me fight, let it end somehow...if you go I don't think...It'll hurt less if you just did what I asked! You stupid vampire!" she pounds at his chest as he tries to stop her without lashing out himself. They fall to the ground, her on top of him as he tries to avoid each blow.

When he manages to catch her arms and hold her still, her eyes catch his and she changes tactic.

In a moment of madness, or perhaps just perfect clarity, she lowers her head and crushes her lips to his in a bruising kiss. Her tongue plunges into his mouth and he lets it happen, letting go of her hands now they've stopped moving. Her arms shift from above his head to his sides, sliding ever lower and Spike suddenly gets a reality check.

"Buffy" he pushes her away for a second but she is back on him in a heartbeat. He pushes a little harder this time, knocking her off his body and onto the ground beside him "Buffy, stop" he gasps for breath he doesn't truly need.

"You want me, Spike" she tells him, rolling closer to him again "You told me"

"I do" he agrees, but puts out a hand to her shoulder to keep her at bay "you know I do, but not like this" he shakes his head " I won't hurt you with my fists and I won't do it this way either"

"You're saying no?" she asks incredulously, the look in her eyes a mixture of disbelief and pain.

"I'm saying, not now" he tells her as gently as he can "not like this"

He knows she thinks he doesn't want her now, truth is he would like nothing more than to prove his love to her in that beautiful way, but it wouldn't mean anything to her, not really. Afterwards she would say it was a mistake and push him away, just like both times they'd kissed. He can't let it be that way.

"Y'know, you say you love me" Buffy chokes out, getting to her feet "but if you did, you'd help me"

"I want to help you" Spike replies immediately, also standing now moving behind her as her mind starts to process what is happening and she hugs herself "God you have no idea how it pains me to see you suffer" he tells her, reaching a hand out which hovers over her shoulder, almost too afraid to actually touch her again "but there's only so much I can do...Buffy, just tell me what you're feeling, talk to me" his fingers are a hairs breadth from her arm when she turns around suddenly.  
"It won't help" she shakes her head, causing more tears to cascade down her face "none of it does and you won't make it stop"

"I don't know if I can" Spike tells her sadly, he only wished it were so simple "all I can do is try"

"You won't be here, you said you were leaving, just like they all do" Buffy fidgets uncomfortably, almost unable to believe what she was just doing a moment ago, but also hating the fact this vampire, no, this man is going to walk out of her life just when she was starting to be glad he was around.

"Tell me you want me to stay luv and I will" Spike's voice is almost unrecognisable as his own, so soft and unsure in the dark.

"I don't...I..." Buffy's eyes fix on her feet as her fingers lace together and apart again. Spike steps closer, reaching out a hand to lift her chin, ever-so-slightly fearful that she was going to take it all the wrong way, and either hit him or jump him.

"Tell me" he says again, looking into her eyes "Just say you'd rather me be around" he begs of her "Tell me, a tiny part of you prefers me here to not. Anything Buffy, but you have to give me something to work with"

"I..I just think..." her eyes flit up and down between the ground and his face "I'm not ready for you to not be around yet..."

He smirks slightly at that, unable to hold it back any longer. What she'd just said was the first step to what could be something wonderful. She's just given him the crumb he's waited almost a year for.

"That doesn't mean I love you or even like you very much most of the time..." she snaps when his smirk would not subside. The shy little girl has ducked back inside, leaving just the Slayer persona, hard as nails and impervious to feeling.

"Only most of the time?" Spike checks with a tilt of his head "Things are looking up" his smirk widens into a real smile and Buffy looks away trying not to change her own expression away from neutral.

"So, you're not gonna leave?" she asks nonchalantly as she can, but it's a little late for that.

"S'pose not" Spike shrugs, and her finger is soon pointing in his chest as she delivers a threat.

"You screw up, just once..." she begins but he just sighs and rolls his eyes at her.

"Yeah, yeah Slayer, you'll stake me good and proper" he recites "think I know this one off by heart" he tells her "but I'd never hurt you luv, not deliberately. You do believe that, don't you?" he says so seriously she almost cannot bear to hear it.

"Starting to" she admits too quietly, with a slight nod of her head.

The moment is probably the most awkward so far for the both of them and quickly Buffy changes the subject.

"You got any ideas about this frost demon we're looking for?" she says, wiping the old tears from her face with the back of her hand.

"Not really" Spike admits, letting all previous topics go if that's what she wants "Could help you patrol though if you want"

"Whatever" she says like she couldn't care less either way, but the slight smile she gives him speaks volumes. He smiles back just briefly as they start to walk towards the next cemetery.

Spike would love them to be closer still, but for now he can deal. She's admitted at least that she is not adverse to having him around. It's a start.

The End

A/N2 : Were Buffy and Spike a little OOC in this? I think maybe a little, but I just wanted to make it all a little sweeter. What do you think? Review and let me know please! :-)


End file.
